2004年12月03日

なんか昔の書きかけの文が出てきた

ハードディスクを整理していたらずいぶん前に書きかけてたものが見つかったのでそのままアップしてみる。
一年くらいしか経ってない筈なのだが、今読み返してみると相当怒ってたんだなぁ…
当時とは職場環境がガラリと違うので生暖かくアップしてみよう。

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夜になって席の隣あたりで三人の寝惚けた男どもが雁首並べて打ち合わせをしていた。
どうやら現在彼らがやっている某ネットゲームの新機軸についてのアイデア会議のようだ。
話が煮詰まっているのは傍で聞いていても分かるのだが、煮詰まり切ったところあたりで召還されてしまった。
内容をとりあえず聞いてみた。

…お前ら全員そこに正座しろ。

なんでお前らは客のことを考えないのだ？
どうやって金を払ってもらおうと思っているのだ？
今いるユーザーを確保しようとしか思ってないだろ？
それで新規の開発費を起こして、どうやってリクープまで持っていこうとしてるのだ？

（詳しいことは勿論書けないが）
そのジャンルのゲームだが、既に無料で開放されているサービスもありユーザーの大半はそちらにいると目されている。
つまり無料のゲームに勝たねばならないのだ。

もちろんプレステ用でも出ている。こちらは安ければ2000円、高くても6800円だせば一生遊べる。
これにも勝たねばならないのだ。

逆に言えば、金を払うつもりのユーザーもいるということなので、板モノゲームではないネットゲームとしての売りからぶれてはいけないということでもある。

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※以下あまりまとまっていないので後略しつつ、適当に書き直したりしてたものも以下に入れてみたり

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シチュエーションの説明：

三流広告代理店からきたふざけた請求見積もりを叩きに叩いて300万削って一服しがてらリサーチも兼ねてフラッシュのミニゲームをやりまくってて忙しい、という状況。
しかしこの三流代理店、世間的には業界二位だとかいうのだが提案してきた案は想定目標リーチ数の10分の1しか達成できないわ、こっぴどく叱ってやったら営業部長は居留守を使うわってのは何事かね？
変なメガネをかけた兄ちゃんは転職したくてしようがない感じだったし。お前は海外の事例をとやかく言う前に客の商品であるネットゲームでも少しはやってみろってんだボケ。
（註：こいつは半年後に本当に汐留に転職してて大笑いしたわけなのだが。当然「あいつぁ信用ならんぜ」と先輩どもに忠告。そんなやつ入れんなよな。相変わらず人事は節穴だなぁ）
で、補填案をださせたら「ぺたろう」なんての出してきやがってブチ切れですよ。
おまいら俺を誰だと思ってるのだ。MMORPGの広告にぺたろうだぁ？
家にパソコンを持ってないようなOLが「ねー今日ランチどーする？」とか職場でメッセンジャー替わりに使ってるようなサービスにあうわけがねーだろが。たわ言は寝て言え。少なくともパワーポイントで打ってくるな。怒りが倍増する。
…などと上品に思いながらDelboで20万点とかたたき出していた午後10時だと思いねえ。

まずはブレストに参加している人物紹介：

Ym: 企画責任者らしい。若いときから上司に恵まれてこなかった可哀想なプロパー30歳。親会社から出向してきた上司がIT革命ブームだかなんだかに乗っかっちまってくだらん企画を連発、だが先行者利益と当時まだ残っていた親会社のなけなしのブランド力を発揮してなんとなく数を集めそれなりの評価だけは得てしまい、結果的に火のついた後のケツの尻拭いを長年勤めてきたというありがちな不幸を背負った青年。火消し作業以外の実務経験には乏しく新企画立ち上げなどはやったことが無いが夏でもベストを着こむなどしてキャラを立てることに邁進中。「CEDEC」とか「東京コンテンツマーケット」とか有象無象に手当たり次第参加して“くりえいたー様”や“大学の助教授様”なんかとお話しするのが趣味らしい。そんなとこにゃヒマ人しかこねーっての。さらには「レジャー白書」「インターネット白書」を熟読して企画を立てようとしている勘違い野郎。あのな、それに出てるようなのはもう終わった数字なんだよ。ダメだし用にしか使えねーの。
Kw: 最年長。身動きの取れないくらいに限られた範囲での事務方さんとしてはとても優秀。しかし企画力はナッシング。日本で一番税金使ってる大学を出て日本で一番博士がいるような会社出身というお堅い事この上ない出自だが虹色の髪の毛や奇抜なファショーンでカムフラージュしているご様子。もちろんそれが逆に勘違いっぷりをも物語っていることには気づいていない。無理しなくてもいいのにおっさんってば。白衣の方が似合うぞ。
Tk: 重度のワキフェチ＆短パンフェチだがこの中では一番まとも。ネットゲーム業界では年の割に偉い人。ただし近年転職してきたという経緯と北海道人らしい元からの人の良さとでなにかと話をあわせてしまいがち。ある意味三人の中で「Tkさんも話に乗っているということは、俺たちってばイケテル企画マンかも」と思わせてしまっている分犯罪的ではある。話をあわせすぎるのはやめよう。

以下、差しさわりがあるといけないのでそのゲームの題材を仮にネット麻雀だとしておこう。あくまでも仮に、だ。ま、そういうことにしておいてくれ。
（リアルの遊びとして昔からあるようなネタで、対抗馬としてフリーでも遊べるものがあったり、ゲーセンでもプレステでも出ていたりするようなものだと思ってくれれば間違いない。え？　麻雀しかねーって？　だから察しろってことさね）

さてさて、ざっと用意されている書類を見ながら話を聞く。
とりあえず現状では黒字を上げている麻雀ゲーム（仮）のリニューアル企画を練っているようなのだ。ま、確かに女の子とビデオチャットできたりプロ雀士と打てたりするのも出てきてるからねぇ。
ふむふむ。

Ym：「で、この新ネット麻雀（仮）は、麻雀牌がリアルなんですよ」

はぁ。
で、それがなにか？

Ym：「いや、あの、ユーザーアンケートでもリアルな牌が求められていて…」

へー。それはそれは。
で、今伸び悩んでいるのとどう関係があるんでしょ？

Kw：「いや他社のサービスでもこんなに牌がリアルなのがありますし」

時に、どういうアンケート取ったんですか？
…選択式でそんな項目並べたら選んじゃいますよね。
挙げてる項目が根本的にズレてますよ。
ゲリマンダーですね。

Ym：「げ、ゲリマンダー？」（メモする）

ま、いいですからいいですから。
その前に、一番人数集めてるネット麻雀っていまだTP荘ですよね？
あれって別に牌が綺麗なわけではないだろうし、もっと違う点を見たほうがいいんじゃないですかね。
（われながら大人だな）

Ym：「いやぁ、あれはー無料だしー」

はぁ？

以下、
・人数が大きい方が卓が成立しやすい事の確認
・マッチングシステムの確認
・強さなどの評価システムはどう違うのか
などといった、いわゆる普通のネット麻雀ゲームとしてのスペックについて5分ほど質問というか取材してみる。
なぜこいつらは初見でわかるような事がわからんのだろう。

Kw：「ネットならではの面白さってあると思うんですよ」

あぁ…　そうっぅすね…。（帰りてー）
15分ほどどっかで聞いたようなお話が続いたのでケータイメールを確かめるフリをしたり。

以下コント集：

▼ACT1
Ym:「ユーザーが各雀荘のメンバーとなって、雀荘ごとに対抗戦をやるってのはどうですかね？」
Tk:「ああ、攻城戦みたいなやつですか」
Kw:「引き抜き合戦とかあったりして」

あのー、ギルドとかクランってのは仲のいいプレイヤーが集まって始めたりするもんですけど、どうやって作ろうとしてます？　それに「仲間同士で打ち合う」とかってメッセンジャーとかIRCとかで通しが横行しがちですよね？　それでいいの？
いっそのこと通しアリアリって世界にするのもありますけど、現状のユーザーは激しく拒否すると思いますよ。

全員沈黙してしまったので可哀想になって「まぁ出身県別とか血液型とか年齢で無理やりギルドに入れてしまって闘わせるってのもないこたぁないけど…」と水を向けてみたら「それだっ！」と手を打たれてしまった。死ね。

▼ACT2

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ここで切れてた。
人物紹介に気合を入れてガス抜きしちゃったんだねきっと。
読み返してみてもあんまり面白くないからそのままにしとこっと。
特に手も加えず。

投稿者 KQZ : 2004年12月03日 01:42 | [EDIT]

トラックバック

このエントリーのトラックバックURL:
http://www.authenticbar.com/kqz/days/admin/mt-tb.cgi/500

＞ネットならではの面白さってあると思うんですよ
凄い発言です。クラクラしました（笑）。
これホントにそう言ったんだろうなぁ。

投稿者中目の呑んだくれ : 2004年12月03日 10:46

この内容が何について書かれたかも内情も手に取るようにわかってしまったyo…orz

投稿者ケン : 2004年12月03日 12:53

そういえばACT2に書こうと思ってた部分を思い出しました。

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ボク「ちなみにYmさんって麻雀はやるんですか？」
Ym「いや、あんまり好きじゃないんですよ…」
死ね。10回くらい一気に。
Ym「でもですね、レジャー白書からみると雀荘っていうのは近頃…」
ボク「レジャー白書ってデータをどう取ってるかってしってますか？　それはね…（ぐったり）」
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てな感じで。

●ケンさん
>この内容が何について書かれたかも内情も手に取るようにわかってしまったyo…orz

ケンさんってYmさんとたしかむかーしお仕事してましたよね…＞誘い水

投稿者 KQZ : 2004年12月03日 14:33

いたたた
釣られました（w
それの１って、大昔にボクがPやってたやつですがな（w
もっとも作ったのははるか昔のネットゲーム創世期の話ですが

いまだに、あの古いゲームが黒字あげてるってことが何を意味するのか、（現場も上の人間も）ちゃんと気がついてくれれば、そんな企画内容にはならないし、何をやればいいのか自ずと判るはずだよね

Ymクンは直接ボクの下のスタッフじゃなかったので、仕事っぷりや優劣さについてはボクから語ることはできないなぁ
ただ、いろいろ昔から可哀想な仕事のさせられかたしてましたよ
怪しい出会い系チャットソフトの企画でCロンズGートで有名な某Pのワガママや思いつきに振り回されっぱなしだったりとか、片っ端から営業中のネットゲームのクローズ担当させられたりとか（中には黒字のゲームもあったから、なんでそうしたのか未だに理解できないけど）嫌なストレスの溜め方してたよね
若い頃に企画をもっとやらせてもらえればよかったんだと思うけどなぁ

2もさ、ボクがいるころ（４年前くらいか）、金出し渋って企画通らなかったのに、いよいよタマがなくなったので、起死回生でいまさら作るとか言い出した時点ですでに怪しいわけです
タイミングも違うし、なによりあそこ今、オリジナルかたっぱしからクローズして、アフィリエイトまみれになっちゃってるから現場に前向きなベクトルがないんだよね
上は上で取るべきリスクと取っちゃいけないリスクの区別がついてないんです

あ、一応名誉のために言っておくと、今回のネタはそのころボクが書いた企画書とは似ても似つきません！（w

投稿者ケン : 2004年12月03日 23:59

あわわわわ。
ケンさんの古傷を引っかいてしまいましたか…(^^;;;

ここで問題とすべきYmさんの上司なのですが、またぞろお気に入りの例の「犬キャラ」を、新たに建造中の泥舟（しかもキムチくさい）で復活させるとか言ってましたよ。
あわてて逃げ出したので後の事はよくわからないのですが。

＃いや、親会社とは仲がいいのでそっちから漏れてくるんですが…（これ以上は危険が危ない）

投稿者 KQZ : 2004年12月04日 03:44

えっ、犬を？！
まじですか…

投稿者ケン : 2004年12月04日 14:57

やばすぎるでしょこの話
回転リゾートスパ（違う

投稿者 shi3z : 2004年12月04日 16:16

やばすぎるでしょこの話
回転リゾートスパ（違う

投稿者 shi3z : 2004年12月04日 16:18

ア、あまりのショックに二回書き込みしてしまいました
ごめんなさい

投稿者 shi3z : 2004年12月04日 16:21

うーん、個人のパフォーマンスの問題というより、組織の問題が大きいんじゃない？
やる気のある人がやる気のあるうちにいろいろトライできるようになればいいんですけどね
そうでないと、バイアスのかかった状況分析で上からミッションが落ちてきて、それをだけをやらされる現場が可哀想
いまさら２やることが怪しいと書いたのは、最初から全部自分が考えた企画じゃないのもあって、たぶん現場はやらされてる感が大きいんじゃないかな…という意味
だから彼らにはイチから自分で新企画を考えて欲しいなあ、失敗してもいいから…（ってそんな状況でもないか）

投稿者ケン : 2004年12月04日 17:33

ba-ka

投稿者 : 2005年06月12日 01:37

しかし…
半年以上前のエントリーにピンポイントで書き込むのが「ba-ka」とは。（笑）
二年以上やってますが初めてですわ。

投稿者 KQZ : 2005年06月14日 10:35

とりあえずこういうことを書くようなアナタが
きっと文句ばっか言ってる内容のないやつなんだろうな、と思いました。

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備忘録〜いまだ移行中〜

2004年12月03日

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KQZ on authentic

備忘録 〜いまだ移行中〜

2004年12月03日

なんか昔の書きかけの文が出てきた

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備忘録〜いまだ移行中〜